Connected

"I know there's an invisible string that's going from my heart to your heart. But sometimes I feel like it's going around a corner and it's getting stretched out so thin."

I yelled I love you out the window to my son as I dropped him off at highschool. Even though his friends were close by. Even though he's 14. He didn't mind. He still hugs me in public places when he needs a little love. We are connected. 

For two hours they've all been gone. One wore all camo for the new teacher He has been so looking forward to because he is sure his teacher likes it. One rode his bike to school so he could get there early on his own terms and in control of his own schedule. The little one ran off to his friends without a second look, so very happy to be with them just like me. 

I can see each of their selves in their own personal styles, so different from eachother. Classic and simple, the bmx guy, the 4th grader who thinks camo is cool, and the 6 year old with his collared button up and cardigan. I loosely hold the reins and let them take the lead, have their preferences and interests. This keeps us connected. 

It's the first day of school. A normal year we hope one without masks and distancing. Where they can sit close with their friends and lean over a book, high-five in gym class and wrestle at recess. 

Dad makes breakfast, a smoothie with the last of the peaches, eggs and hashbrowns. Lunches and waterbottles are loaded into backpacks, bright new shoes at the ready. Things they have carefully chosen, decisions they have made about what they like and want. Not just things but who they are and want to be, how they interact with others, what they want to do and be a part of, things they want to achieve. 

All day alone I feel the pull from my heart to theirs. My mind is working planning ahead for supper, an afterschool snack so it is free to listen, listen, listen when they get home to all they have to say. Listen underneath the surface too for what they feel. 

All this long last year and a half we have been together and I consider how together does not mean connected. How 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' can be true. How an abundance of time can push us apart as much as it brings us together. How a little distance, a little room and variety thickens up that string until it's nice and stout and we are connected.